It's hard to believe but my last baby is going to kindergarten tomorrow. I started this website when my second baby was 7 months old. Now I have a nine year old, a seven year old, and a five year old.
And it took me by surprise, but I am kind of grieving the end of the baby and little kid years. I have always had a small child by my side for the last nine years. I remember being sad when my son went to kindergarten.
But he ended up finishing the school year at home in 2020, and then all of my children were at home doing virtual school for the last year.
I might be freaking out when I come home to an empty house tomorrow. I have heard it's important to let yourself grieve before rediscovering yourself.
The baby and little kids years
What have I done the last nine years? I had three amazing babies. I have been breastfeeding or pregnant for most of the last nine years straight combined. I started two websites to keep me busy, and for a mental and creative outlet.
We took trips to the beach, the zoo, parks, museums, gardens, lakes, playgrounds, splash pads, pools, anywhere and everywhere we could find we explored. I have been noticing new parks and places to go when driving around lately, and then remembering they will be in school all day now.
I used to mentally keep tabs of these places for outings out of the house. So many days spent exploring and adventuring. I was always looking for somewhere new to go, or a new activity to check out.
Sometimes the goal was to just get out of the house and get some fresh air, forcing it on the days I didn't feel like it. Taking a stroller walk when they were tiny to get outside and feel human.
Those walks usually ended at a playground. Or hitting up the library story time or a pop up kid concert, another reason to get out of the house and be around other moms.
These were some of the happiest days of my life. I threw myself into motherhood completely, and I think I am going to be a little lost without my sidekicks by my side.
Messes all over the house, chaos everywhere, constant noise. It could be enough to drive me insane and to tears. But will I miss it?
The end of the little kid years. The end of naps, rocking to sleep, nursing to sleep. The end of strollers and baby carriers. So many of these items I have written about here and I really took my baby and toddler passion to the next level on my website.
I always had one baby with me. Then it was two. When my oldest went to kindergarten I was left with my toddler and baby.
And then my toddler went to preschool, and my last baby and I got to spend tons of time together. And I loved it.
Once my oldest two were in school full time I got to spend even more time with my youngest. But eventually they both came home when schools closed in 2020, then we were all together the entire last year learning from home.
Now all three are leaving for full time school again and I didn't even get to ease into it with preschool for my youngest last year. I am afraid the flood of emotions is going to come once they all leave tomorrow.
But they will be home by 3 PM. And the chaos will return. But will it be the same?
Conclusion
Tell me, have you gone through the emotional process of sending your last or only baby to kindergarten? I am sure it gets easier with time. And, now I will have tons of time for myself to devote to my websites or finding other work. But, I am going to let myself grieve a little first.
