Lately I have been wrestling with the decision of whether I want a third baby/child/eventual adult. That is, if I could even get pregnant again. I am under no illusion that this is entirely my decision to make. After two healthy and happy babies I may not even be able to have another baby as I age. I know it’s not always that easy. But, assuming I could, I analyze and debate this idea repeatedly. Will it ever become easier when it comes to deciding whether to have a third child?
Some of my thoughts that I go back and forth on..
I am old.. like way past the start of AMA old.
It could be irresponsible to try and get pregnant again. If I even can. Am I pushing my luck after having two healthy babies? My age also concerns me for the child, what if I don’t live that long? I don’t want to be an old mom. But it’s too late, I already am an old mom.
Then again it could be great for my kids to have another sibling as I get older. I have one brother. I love him, but I always wanted a sister too. I have a boy and a girl, wouldn’t it be fun for one of them to have a same sex sibling? They could help each other out as I age. Aren’t my odds better of someone visiting me when I am elderly the more I have? That’s probably not a great reason to have another baby though.. or is it?
I am finally getting out of the new baby stage.
My children are 3 and 20 months. I am starting to get my pre-mom life back. I can sleep most of the night and it is pure bliss. I can go out and do things and not worry about my baby being without me for more than 2 hours. I actually went to the Kennedy Center to see a play last month. The theater! And a wine fest. I can kiss those activities goodbye for another two years if I have another baby.
But, I miss having a newborn.. I miss holding a baby. I am not ready to never breastfeed again. How wonderful would it be to feel baby kicks from within one more time? And I only have one life. It is now or never. The theater and wine fest will still be there.
Pregnancy is rough.
Pregnancy is horrible. Okay, maybe it’s not horrible but it’s tough. Nausea, sleepiness or sleeplessness, aches and pains, and no wine, lunchmeat and definitely no extreme amounts of caffeine that I am used to. I cannot go through it again. As I said my body is getting older. I may not recover fully if I do it again. I still need to lose the baby weight from 1 and 2. I like being able to get on the ground with my kids and run around with them.
But then I think it’s not that bad, my hair will grow, and I will be glowing. It’s a great excuse to take care of myself a little better, and lay off the wine and caffeine for awhile. It’s not that bad.. it’s bad for a few weeks in the beginning and end. The rest of pregnancy is fine. I can let my stomach out and eat what I want… it’s really quite fun.
I am not sure it is smart financially.
Like I said, we are finally getting out of the new baby stage. After two kids back to back, along with all the new gear, doctors bills, and more; I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. We might start to have a little cash for things like a vacation or a new house. A new baby would set us back again. And I can’t even think about three college costs.
But then again, I have all the gear, I have everything I need. It will all work out, doesn’t it always?
I am not sure I can handle it.
I can handle the kids I have. I’ve got it down and it feels easy and balanced (most of the time). It wasn’t always this way. I had to learn to balance two. Now that I have things in control (HA) do I really want to disrupt it? At some point is it too much to handle? What if a third screws it all up?
Then I think of course I will be able to handle it. I am not the first mother to have more than one child. It might be tough but how hard can it be? I know how to take care of a baby. Three sounds boisterous and exciting. More than two but not so many that I can’t give them all attention.
So this is it, I go back and forth. And these are only some of my internal debates, there are others too and I seem to change my mind weekly. Do I take a leap of faith, or close the door and be content with my family of four? I think my family is perfect. But then I think about how happy one more would make us, going through all of the firsts again, and of course an adorable newborn baby. And I know another baby is not just a baby. It is also a child and then an adult and that does not scare me either.. I love the idea of a large family later in life.
So the debate rages on.. at some point I will have to close the door and move on one way or another. Right now I am leaning 99% towards closing that door. As much as I love the idea, my life is pretty good right now and I’m starting to feel like I do not want to change it. Maybe if I put my thoughts out to the universe (internet) it will tell me. So what do you think? Any advice on how to make this decision easier? When do you feel done?