The Exhaustion of Motherhood

Why am I so tired all the time? I ask myself this question every morning, every evening, and probably during the day. I just feel worn down.. a lot. Is this normal? Caring for two kids under three is challenging, wearing and exhausting! Sure, I have days where I am nailing it, I get both children fed, dressed and out the door for some fun activity. Everything goes well and I feel like I am on top of the world and can do anything. I've got this, parenting two is easy!

But more often than not it goes another way. My three year old bickers with me starting first thing in the morning. We argue about what she's going to eat, if she is going to go potty now or later, what she is going to wear. And forget brushing her hair.. hands off mom! I am lucky if I can run a brush through it as she darts by and get something a little untangled.

Then my son, who is 22 months, is a handful in a different way. He hasn't taken to arguing with me (hope he never does!) but he wants "boobies" all the time. The minute I sit on the couch to work on my blog or catch up on something he is climbing onto me asking for "boobies." I recently wrote a post about this new stage of nursing a toddler "old enough to ask for it." It's new and demanding in a way I wasn't expecting.

Meals are repetitive, I think they eat about six times a day ha, and always demanding it their special way with this spoon or that plate. Don't dare get it wrong! Getting dressed is fun; my daughter stomps around debating which outfit to wear and procrastinating putting it on. My son runs from me and it's like catching a wild animal to pin him down and get him dressed or change a diaper.

I won't even start on what it's like to actually get out of the house and run the errands. Sometimes it goes well and other times.. well forget it.

Add in the feeling of rarely getting a moment alone to do anything. No bathroom break, no showering alone, no getting dressed without someone getting into your shoes or playing tug of war with your purses.

Also add in the mental energy put into every decision related to my children. Making sure their doctors appointments are scheduled, figuring out what new clothes they need as they grow and the seasons change, worrying about their happiness and their needs and doing everything to stay on top of it. Making sure they have outlets for their energy and their creativity is tapped. Researching every purchase and googling every symptom. The mental and physical demands are both there.

So each night by the time my husband gets off work I am ready to lie down on the couch and say "I can't even deal... you do it." At least he gets it, usually. Sometimes he thinks I am a whiner or complaining. I feel bad complaining but it's tiring. Come on moms, am I right or am I right? He does get it mostly. I said it the other night..why am I so tired? And he told me, because these two run you all day.

When the end of the day comes and the hourly bedtime ordeal is done (I kid..sort of), I want to park myself on the couch and work on my blog, read or watch TV. No matter how tired I am I need that time to unwind. I know the demands of little kids are fleeting though. They will not always be this little, or this needy. My son will not always want "boobies" for what feels like the 10th time today. Eventually they will be able to dress themselves, wipe themselves and get their own food. I am sure there will be new and different exhausting challenges. But for now, I slog on through the exhaustion of motherhood and taking care of these little children.

Every once in awhile though I am not exhausted, or I forget that I am. I feel like I have it down, I feel like I am handling it all and having fun doing it too. I find myself laughing so hard I am crying at something my daughter has said, or something my son is doing. These are the moments that make the exhaustion worth it and remind me what it's all about.